Home

It's funny how even the wording of blogger.com is funny. When I signed in it said I was home.

Right now I do not have a home. It's scary, but thrilling.

Right Now I don't even have a job. It's freedom, but pending doom.

My best option?

Idk.

I feel like I want something solid in my life right now. THat is why I like joe again. He is a solid fantasy. Something that is completely intangible except for in my mind. I want to do so many things with my life. But I want a job first. But I want a home first. But I want blah blah blah. So part of the american culture is saying that I should just drop everything and do it. Just go for your dreams. Frankly my dreams are irrealistic. I meant to spell it that way too.

Unfortunately. I do not know if I actually like joe or I am going through so many changes that he is just a solid part of my life. It's probably one of those many foggy areas I have when it comes to interactions with other people.

I think that I spend too much time thinking that people are deep and have ulterior motives because I know that I do and this is why I project these things onto others. Nothing is ever simple with me. I think that makes me a bit neurotic. Like even right now I am over analyzing the simplicity of a phrase that sifted into my head, "I like to write" My over analysis says, be a writer, no you shouldn't you are not good enough, yes you are, when you write, if you can even get through this page. No one wants to read it anyway. So you're just writing for you, oh how cliche. This internal dialogue persistently nags at me like a cat loves you right before you are about to feed her. And she loves you so much, she rubs your leg and mews the sweetest mews until she gets old and can't mew anymore she just has a 'gravel' voice, but she will always have those sweet eyes looking up at you until she goes blind, but when she goes blind she isn't even hungry anymore because she is going to die anyway. That's what this nagging is in my head. Because I have this inner voice, I assume everyone does. So I don't like talking to people a lot because of the inner dialogue and ulterior motives. I can't just think someone is simple.

I have warts. 1 on my hand and I found another on my foot. FUCK> HPV virus. I am tainted and gross now. I want them to go away. Grr. Nothing gets rid of them so I am trying duct tape.

Wish me luck and less thought.