Dear Christina,

Why I am mad at myself is because I am responsible for my own happiness.

I am not happy and I don't know how to please myself.

If I don't even know how to please myself, how is someone else going to know how to please me.

He rescinded his notion of wanting to marry me or have babies with me.

Those things no longer apply maybe.  If this is the case, then I can't be with me for obvious reasons.

I don't understand companionship.

I hate everything.

I don't like work today.

I hate how fickle I am.

I hate myself.

IF I HATE MYSELF, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE WITH MYSELF?

I can't shake this feeling either.

I can't do it.

OR I am trying but obviously failing miserably.

Love brielle

Taking it one day at a time.
Sure.
Great advice.
Advice to live by.
It is so hard to follow.
I have plans.
Plans on planes
They fly in so many different directions.
But I haven't figured out which ticket to buy
And I have created all the planes.
All the trips.
All the details.
And I can't fucking decide what I want.
If only I could just choose.
One.
I know that I would soar.
I am an achiever.
But before I am an achiever.
I am a worrier.
A contemplative person.
I might only have one brain.
But my brain creates all these paths.
Making them one day at a time.
Right.
Counter-productive paths.
Paths I could live by.
It is so hard to choose.
I have wants.
Wants like food.
Food I know I can't live without.
These desires are a strong pang of hunger.
And I have created all these wants.
All these delicious wants.
I might want them all.
But the problem is there is only one path.
One life.
One brain.
With too many possibilities.
It doesn't match up.